Avatar Aang's Big Bachelor Bang
by proudinfidel
Summary: Our favorite Avatar Boys visit Madame June formerly Bounty Hunter June's Gentleman's club for Aang's last night of freedom. The avatar girls mud wrestle. Uncle does keg stands. Aang hooks up with twins. Not raunchy, but M for safety. Some Kataangynes. First chapter of the revision is up. I am updating chapter by chapter
1. Madame June

**I know I know it took me forever and a day to update this. Sorry. It's called life and deployment number 4 for my husband. Hopefully it's worth the wait. I will be updating this chapter by chapter over the next week or so, just FYI. **

**I have received some requests to do a fic in which Aang and Katara engage in certain 'orgy' relations with the twins in this fic. While I appreciate the review and the plot bunny, I'm sorry that is just not in keeping with the couple's character and I cannot in good conscience do this.**

**However I will consider this plot bunny for perhaps another character or for something more minor in this story. Hint Hint. ****J**

**For the purposes of this story, June is now a 'Madame.' If you don't know what a 'Madame' is, you probably shouldn't be reading this. **

**Aang hooks up with twins who give him some advice, Sokka gets drunk and starts a bar fight, Uncle does Keg stands, and our favorite Avatar Girls Mud Wrestle. Hilarious surprise at the end concerning Uncle.**

**Borrowed a snipet from the HANGOVER for the start of the story.**

**Rated M for sexual humor, but nothing too terribly raunchy. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own ATLA. Further legal mumbo jumbo, please don't sue me etc., etc., blah blah blah and more etc. **

**Chapter 1 Madame June**

"Tonight we celebrate manliness, friendship and fun! But mostly manliness!" Sokka declared as they soared over the Earth Kingdom on Appa.

"That's great Sokka," said Zuko, who had Appa's reigns, "but can we cut the restraints off Aang? It's not like your sister's around anymore."

"Sure, we can!" Sokka declared, and he removed a knife from his boot and began to saw at the fishing net "After all, I was a lone wolf in the Southern Water Tribe and then along came Aang, and I said, what is this? Another wolf to howl at the moon with? And so Aang and I were two wolves, looking for bending teachers and cactus juice…Then, along came Zuko and we had a three man wolf pack!"

"Ugg!" Aang and Zuko groaned in unison. Sokka liked to coin the term 'three man wolf pack' for their little gang when the women weren't around. Zuko and Aang were not too fond of it; it reminded them too much of a bad play they once saw.

"Well we look like a three man wolf pack, all dressed in Water Tribe furs," Sokka reasoned, which they'd dawned in order to help disguise their identity. Since the war, people had taken to mauling them upon recognition. The fandom was great but could be tedious at times. Aang had even grown out his hair in order to mask his arrow and look more like one of the men of Katara's tribe.

"AND TONIGHT WE TAKE OUR PACK TO A NEW LEVEL OF DEBAUCHERY!" Sokka stood up suddenly, and the three of them heard Appa roar as if to say "sit down stupid."

Aang reached up and pulled him into the saddle. Sokka reluctantly complied.

"Easy for you, you're not the married guy of the group," said Zuko

"Hey what Mai doesn't know…"

"Can still get me pelted with knives!" Zuko yelled over his shoulder. "Sokka, it's different when you're married. You wouldn't know..."

"Well I would know if Sukki would just..just marry me already!" he sulked.

"Yea I wondered how that proposal went," Aang said, "but you never offered anything."

"There was nothing to tell," Sokka whined. "Sukki won't marry me right now. She's 'into her career.' She said: 'Sokka, I love you but I just can't leave the girls right now…' and some more stuff but I kind of stopped listening after that."

"Ugg, I hate it when chicks say stuff like that!" Zuko groaned. "Mai wanted to study political science for a year before she'd marry me. I told her you're gonna be freaking Fire Lady. No one cares if you've got a degree. Then she said 'but I care.' I had to wait a whole year!"

"Katara never said anything like that to me."

Sokka wacked Aang with his boomerang. "That's because you WERE her career, Dum Dum. All she ever wanted to do was make you into a fully realized Avatar."

"So, how much futher?" Aang changed the subject.

Zuko tugged at the reins. "Shouldn't be long now."

Finally Aang felt Appa land, and Sokka removed his blindfold. They were outside a five story grand pagoda a few miles away from Ba Sing Se. In the distance Aang cited the city's outer wall. Hundreds of lanterns hung from the floors, glowing in the twilight. Paths of pale gray cobblestone and lanterns lead the way to a staircase which fed into the grand building and wrap around porch. Beautiful women dressed in shades of green and brown silk milled about, beckoning the visitors with fans and fanfare. Music and laughter swirled about the establishment. A sign was posted: "Dancing Dragon Club."

"A brothel?!" Aang chortled, thinking only of how Katara would blood bend him if she ever found out.

"Gentleman's club!" Sokka corrected, hanging a finger in the air. "There IS a difference!"

"And Hotel" Zuko. "You see, Madame …."

The sound of breaking glass interrupted Zuko, and the gang looked up to see one of the windows busted out. A man burst through the disheveled glass and into the courtyard, closely followed by a woman with long black hair and a whip.

She pounced on him like a moose lion and picked him up by the collar. "No one mishandles my girls Jiro! Now get out of here! And if I ever see you back, I'll feed you to Nyla!" She shoved the man against the pathway, hard, and he ran away screaming in fear.

June got up and adjusted her hair and clothing. She'd traded in her bounty hunter's leather garb for an elegant brown and green sequin dress with long slits up the side. Brown silk gloves complemented the outfit and neatly fixed the whip at her side. She looked up, caught sight of Appa, and smiled. "Jun Li!" she cried toward the porch, never taking her eyes from them, "come here please," A girl in a green silk kimono came running up beside June and together they approached the Avatar and his crew.

"If it isn't my old friends Firelord Furious, Avatar Aang, and Captain Boomerang. To what do I owe this great pleasure?" June and company bowed with exaggerated reverence.

"A bachelor party and a room for the night," Zuko explained, handing her a small bag of coins.

She opened up the sack and smiled at the reflection of gold. "Consider yourselves paid up for the night! I assume you want discrepancy?" June questioned.

"Please. Oh yeah, that reminds me, Aang, put on your headband,"Sokka instructed.

Aang quickly affixed a water tribe blue band over his arrow.

"Whatever you want, it's yours," June bowed again. "Jun Li, stable the bison out back where no one can see him. I can get you guys the presidential suite if you give me a little time to get it ready."

The three men acquiesced and followed their hostess past the beautiful giggling women on the porch. June placed a warning finger against her lips as she eyed her employees.

The club had to have at least five hundred tables; some were on balconies overlooking the main floor. Everything was done entirely in wood. There were two side bars from which ladies dressed as Kyoshi Warriors ferried drinks and other refreshments balanced on metal fan shaped trays. Two grand staircases hugged the edges of a stage, leading to the upper four floors where the rooms were. The current floor show presented a sample of Kyoshi Warrior fan movements, though these warriors were much more scantily clad than the originals.

Zuko let out a low whistle. "It looks like you've been busy, June."

"It's Madame June now," she corrected gently, "after the war the bounty hunter gig just wasn't paying like it used to…so I gathered up some entrepreneurial widowed ladies and started my own gentleman's club. Nyla's my best bouncer. Of course I kept the whip for the ones who _don't pay_…" she smiled suggestively, "and for the ones who _do_."

At length they reached a private booth to the rear of her club and she ushered them into its oval green velvet cushions. "At any rate, what are you boys into tonight?"

"Everything! Bring on the Sukkis!" Sokka hollered.

"I'll send over a few of my best _Warriors_," she turned to Zuko, "and what about you almighty Firelord?"

Zuko smiled, "I'll just enjoy the floorshow, thanks."

June looked over at Aang.

Aang blushed…. "Well uhh, I don't know…

"Oh I know your taste Avatar." June purred. "Don't worry, I've got the most beautiful Water Tribe girls in the world!" June turned and shouted into the crowd: "Kila! Mila! Get over here!"

Across the room, two girls with bright blue eyes and braided hair looked up, giggling idiotically. They both were dressed in Water Tribe blue…well sort of. Their outfits were far skimpier than anything he'd ever seen Katara wear, showing their legs and other assets. They were identical twins.

They skipped over, holding hands and laughing. "Kila, Mila, please meet the Avatar," said June, looking pleased with herself when she saw Aang's reaction. "Now it's his bachelor party and we've been paid in advance with gold so show him a good time and do_ whatever_ he asks."

"The Avatar!" They both squealed in unison "Ahhh!"

"Shh ladies, show some tact" June crooned, slapping her hands over their mouths. "We want him to have a good time, not get mauled. You can brag later after the night is over."

"Ok June!"

"Yea hush hush! That's us!"

They both looked at each other again "Ahhh!" they squealed and rushed to Aang's side. June politely excused herself, the men assumed to see to their presidential suite and the rest of the club's affairs.

"So what are you into?" said one, taking him by the arm.

"Yea what are you into?" the other asked, running a hand through his hair

. "Umm…" Aang said uncomfortably…."I uhh…" He looked out of the corner of his eye at his friends. Sokka was oblivious and trying to woo a couple of Kyoshi Waitresses, but Zuko was laughing like mad at Aang's predicament, pounding the table with his fist.

"We'll do anything!" Mila squealed

"Yea anything!" the other finished. "There's a room, we could all go upstairs and..you know…."

Mila giggled.

"What?" Aang looked at Mila, clueless.

"Oh he's innocent! Sooo Adorable!" Mila crooned.

"I'll tell him Mila." Kila whispered something into Aang's ear.

Aang's eyes grew wide and he turned every shade of red. "Ladies, that's very….uh generous….But I'm saving myself for my fiancée…"

"OHHH!" the twins purred with exaggerated disappointment.

"So sad for us Mila!

"But good for her! Does she know how lucky she is?" Kila said, dreamily admiring him.

"You have to at least let us kiss you!"

"And we could give you some tips, you know, if you haven't ever…." They were both giggling again.

Aang smiled. He could use some advice. He was about to be married in less than a few days, and despite all of his desire for Katara, he knew practically nothing about how to make love to a woman. Who better to give him advice than ladies who did this sort of thing for a living. "How about a ride on Appa?" Aang suggested, "Maybe we can talk there?"

"Oh we'd love it!" they squealed in unison and the three of them got up from the table. Aang looked over his shoulder at his two boys. Sokka was glaring at him a little but Zuko smiled in approval, happy that he was finally starting to loosen up.

# # # # #

"Can you believe it?" Sokka growled. "He's cheating on my sister!

"Sokka, don't you think that's a little hypocritical?" By now Sokka was surrounded by three Kyoshi waitresses. Two were hanging on his arms while the other was pulling at his boomerang, which mean the actual boomerang as well as a metaphor."You DID promise me you wouldn't act like an overprotective freak tonight!"

"Oh don't worry Honey," crooned one of the waitresses, working her way onto Sokka's lap, "I'll put him in a better mood."

"How about some drinks?" asked the other two waitresses. "We'll be back!" They sauntered down to the bar.

Zucko looked at his friend. "Sokka ,this is _Aang _we're talking about. They probably just went for a ride on Appa."

"Yea, you're probably right," Sokka muttered, "I guess I am kind of overprotective."

"It's Ok," Zuko said, finishing his drink," just kind of hard for me to identify, what with my sister being a sociopath and all…"

The men shared a hearty laugh. It was intermission between shows and the performers were roaming the floor, greeting the patrons. "I could play wingman for you," Sokka suggested, "you know for old time's sake, just to see if you still got it?"

Zuko shook his head at his friend and smiled as he surveyed the floor. Lots of pretty girls were roaming around, and he thought back to the days of hiding in the Earth Kingdom with his Uncle, who kept encouraging him to date.

Suddenly there was a commotion down below and patrons began hollering: "Chug! Chug Chug!" Money changed hands between Kyoshi Waitresses and customers who were congregating a table where an older man was quickly swallowing massive quantities of beer; a younger man was doing the same thing to the left of him.

Sokka and Zuko looked at each other. They rushed down to the commotion, pushing the crowd aside.

Zuko gasped "UNCLE!"


	2. Uncle Iroh

**Iroh makes his grand appearance…**

**Chapter 2 Uncle Iroh**

General Iroh didn't hear them. He finished his keg and jumped up on the table waving both arms in victory as the younger man passed out beside him. Groans and shouts filled the air as money was exchanged.

"Bets please!" a Kyoshi Waitress yelled as she passed them.

June came into view and put her arm around Iroh. "Let's have a round of applause for this guy!"

Iroh grinned from ear to ear.

Zuko rushed over to Iroh. "Uncle what are you doing?" he hissed.

"Isn't it obvious….KEG STANDS!" He gave a hearty laugh as he dismounted the table beside Zuko. "Hey, Zuko do one with me! What do you say, one go huh?"

"Uncle no way! You're drunk and you're catering the wedding! Did you forget that?"

"No he's cool, he's hitching a ride with us tomorrow," Sokka interrupted.

Zuko looked outraged. "Ugg! See this is just like the comet! How come no one ever tells me these things?"

Iroh laughed. "Oh lighten up, Zuko! I heard about this place and thought I'd check it out before my big job." He let out a large burp.

June overheard them. " Iroh, don't lie. You're here every Tuesday," she bit out.

"Oh come on now June….be kind to an old man."

"I am kind to you…You got a 100 credits from last week and you're getting another 100 this for doing those keg stands. Speaking of which…the crowd's waiting. I need a challenger!" June cried out.

"I'll do it!" Sokka cried without hesitation.

Zuko facepalmed and watched in abject humiliation as his esteemed Uncle and closest friend drank themselves into oblivion. The crowd cheered. When it was over both Sokka and Uncle had their arms around each other, debating which one of them was more "awesome" and which one loved each other more. They had both had a close tie.

"All right Iroh," June sighed, "how do you want to spend your credits? You want your regular girl or someone else…"

Iroh grinned and opened his mouth.

"We've been through this Iroh," June read his mind. "You can't afford me."

"Ugg!" Zuko groaned.

"You know what you need Zuko?" Sokka told him, stumbling as he put his arm around his friend. "A drink!"

"Yea Zuko, come on… one run...live a little!"

As much as Zuko wanted to be responsible, he decided that Sokka and Uncle were probably right. His stomach wouldn't survive the night if he watched this without some alcohol in his system.

"Fine," Zuko begrudgingly agreed. Sokka and Uncle cried out triumphantly.

"Hey June forget the women! We're gonna have a three way contest for Keg Stand King!"

"All right Iroh; I'll save it for next week," June purred "Just don't get too drunk. We got amateur mud wrestling in an hour."


	3. Mila and Kila

**Chapter 3 Mila and Kila**

"This is so great!" the twins cried out. They were on either side of Aang on Appa's head and soaring above the Earth Kingdom. "You do this every day?"

"Pretty much," Aang smiled. "So do the two of you like being escorts?"

"Oh we love it!" the twins cried out in unison.

"It's the best job in the world, you get to dress up every day, meet tons of guys, and make lots of money!"

Aang chuckled. "Oh yea?"

"Yea, well some aren't so nice..."

"But that's Ok because we just feed them to Nyla..."

"Or send June after them..." Mila and kila laughed out loud. "Yea June totally looks out for us!"

Mila drew up her face into a fake hardened stare, "Nobody stiffs my girls!" she growled in her best imitation of June and made a whip cracking motion with her hand. Then her faced relaxed into a smile again. "She's the best boss ever!" They giggled even more.

"I can see that." He thought of June and how ferociously she had attacked him years ago. He certainly didn't want to cross her and felt sorry for anyone who did. "So...about that advice?"

"Ok, but you have to tell US something first," Kila giggled, leaning into him. "That arrow down on your back, how far down does it go? Does it go all the way to your..."

"Kila! Be nice, he's shy! But seriously," Mila turned toward him, eyes wide with curiosity, "does it?"

# # # # #

A little more numb and comfortable now following his keg stand, Zuko joined in with Uncle and Sokka's rendition of "Girls of Ba Sing Se" as June led them to the presidential suite. At length they reached a set of grand sliding double doors. June thrust them open to reveal a living room dressed with lavish brown, gold, and green silk couches and pillows. There were five open doors, each leading to a separate bedroom and wash chamber. Beautiful lanterns hung from the high celling, casting a golden and ethereal glow on the elegant furnishings and upholsteries. Spiraling carved dragons supported tables upon which candles and fresh flowers rested. But the most impressive was the wide fan balcony jutting out from the back of it. There were several couches and chairs on the balcony as well as a large fire pit burning in the center. The room smelled of apricots and sandalwood.

"You will be able to see the wrestling from her,e gentleman," June told them with satisfaction, motioning to the earth below.

The balcony overlooked a small outdoor arena surrounded by earthen seating and a linen awning adorned with Earth Kingdom symbols. Some of June's Water Tribe girls were bending water into the arena and mixing it up, making a huge pit of mud. There was a gaggle of what June would call 'amateurs' meaning 'volunteer wrestlers' gathered on hay bales and earthen seating. They were all wearing bikinis.

"I've got to officiate the matches." June told them. I 'll send the Avatar up when I see him." She bowed and left the men to enjoy their suite.

"This is gonna be awesome!" Sokka said loudly, surveying the girls. He was slurring almost every word now and stumbling a little. Iroh had to grab him to keep him from toppling over the balcony.

"Sit down," Zuko said. "We don't want to draw too much attention to ourselves!"

"I wonder where Aang is; he's gonna miss this!" Iroh said.

"I know," Sokka growled, slightly sober, if only for half a moment. "He better not be doing anything with those girls..."

"Hey, there he is!" Iroh cried. Just then Aang entered the suite. He was walking with the twins on either side of him and a big smile on his face.

Sokka growled at him and took another drink, briefly feeling like he needed a little more.

"How's it going guys?"

"Don't you 'hows ..going us!' Sokka slurred and pointed a finger at Aang. "You're way too happy, misser..." Sokka spit that last word.

The girls giggled. "Oh he could be happier," said Mila.

"Yea way happier!"

"But he totally rejected us."

"Yea totally," chimed Kila. "He just wanted to talk. He's in love!"

"We think it's sweet!" they said in unison, cuddling into either side of Aang.

The three men just stared at Aang. A wave of sobriety briefly settled on them.

Finally Iroh broke the silence "Aang? "

"Yes Iroh?"

He pointed at the two girls "You do realize you turned down twins?"

Aang smiled but didn't answer.

Zuko facepalmed.

"Shh everyone, it's starting!" Sokka exclaimed.

Ever the gracious entertainer, June sauntered onto a podium at the edge of the pit, her green sequin dress sparkling in the torchlight. "Ladies and Gentleman! Tonight we bring you amateur mud wrestling! Beautiful girls from all over the world! No matter what your tastes, we got em! And we're gonna see them THROW DOWN!"

Cheers went up from the crowd.

A Kyoshi Waitress scampered up to the suite. They thought she was asking for bets, but she approached Sokka instead "Hey I've been looking for you all night" she said, smiling sweetly.

With all the alcohol in his system, Sokka had even less self-control , and she looked even more like Suki than she had earlier that night. In his eyes, she WAS Sukki. "I've missed you soo much!" he cried, shamelessly pulling her into his lap and kissing her.


	4. All Hail the Queen

**All Hail the Queen**

"Are you sure about this Toph?" Katara asked, "I mean, we're basically performing for a bunch of sweaty drunk guys. It's just kind of creepy, don't you think?"

"But that's what makes it so fun!" Mai interjected, putting her arm around her friend. "This is the last time you'll get to show off like this."

"Plus free drinks!" Ty Lee said. "Here's what you need honey, a Mai tai. Loosen you up before a battle." Ty Lee handed her a pretty green drink with an umbrella in it.

Just then June approached the girls who were seated with a bunch of other amateurs. "All right ladies here's the deal: No bending, no ripping any clothes off, and no hair pulling! Just throw mud and push each other. That's what the men like to see. Knock your opponent to the ground and keep her down for a count of five. The grand champion gets 50 gold pieces. The rest of you get free drinks and a meal when you're done fighting, plus whatever tips the men throw at you. First match fights, and the winner fights the next three. Then they break and we bring in the next match…so it continues until the two champions face each other."

"Let's do this thing!" exclaimed Toph, "I just want to get dirty."

"All right ladies. Match one." June pointed at Ty Lee and another girl from the crowd. The two challengers took their positions.

"Ready, Fight!" June struck a gong and Ty Lee and her opponent were locked in a vice grip. They shoved each other for a few minutes, which proved difficult due to the mud. After some scuttling on both ends. Ty Lee twisted and pushed the Earth Kingdom girl to the ground, pinning her with her shoulder.

The men exploded in cheers and so did the friends observing from the sideline. "Go Ty Lee!" Katara and Suki yelled.

The fight concluded and June held up Ty Lee's muddy arm. "Now the champion may choose her next opponent."

Ty Lee pointed at Toph. "You want to get dirty mud slug come on out here!" She laughed and threw wad of mud at Toph before the gong even sounded. Toph grinned from ear to ear.

"All right, now this is a party!." Toph screamed. She jumped and swept her foot against Ty Lee's ankle, tumbling her stance. Ty Lee came down for a moment but was back up before Toph could pin her. They struggled for several minutes before Toph finally won out, but Toph punched Ty Lee in the shoulder in congratulations. "That was a tough match circus girl." Ty Lee left the ring. Mai handed her a towel and a Daiquiri.

"Sukki get out here," Toph hollered, and she splashed her with a wave of mud.

"No bending!" June reminded.

"Sorry." Toph said. It was just the distraction Sukki needed. She leapt onto Toph and pinned her to the pit.

"One two three…" But Toph rolled out from under her grip before June could reach 5. Suddenly Toph was on her feet again and the two were locked arm in arm, pushing against each other for what seemed like an eternity…

# # # #

"Now this is a party!" Iroh hollered. "Hey Zuko you gotta see this!'

By now Zuko's head was a little fuzzier and he leaned toward the railing with Iroh. Mila and Kila had brought up a heaping tray of food and refreshments. Aang had been the most conservative of the four, limiting himself to only a couple of drinks that he nursed thoughtfully. He actually wanted to remember the advice the twins had given him that night, plus he was enjoying the show. It reminded him of how Katara and Toph had fought each other before they pulled scams that day in the fire nation. That had been hot. Seeing Katara all flushed and angry and covered in mud like that. He'd wanted to kiss her badly that day. He smiled to himself. Sweet memories.

Strangely though as he watched the two contenders his mind drifted to Toph. Toph of all people? Why? He leaned over the railing next to Zuko and Uncle, and suddenly he knew why. "Wait a second…" He squinted in close study.

"Wow," he heard Mila say, "That girl is blind and she's totally holding her own! Awesome!"

Aang's eyes flew open. That confirmed it. "Umm, guys.." Aang said, nudging Uncle "I think we have a problem. The girls are here."

"No really Aang?" Sokka laughed, his voice heavy with sarcasm; the Kyoshi Waitress was playing with his wolf tail.

"Yea, where have you been all night?" Zuko said, laughing along with his Uncle.

"No guys, you don't' get it…" Aang hissed. "I mean OUR girls, OUR GIRLS are…." His voice trailed off when he saw the next challenger step into ring. He'd know that mocha skin and long brown tresses anywhere. Katara. He put his hand on the rail to steady himself as he forgot all the reasons why they should be concerned. Seeing this…seeing this was worth all the risk in the world.

The match between Toph and Sukki had come to a draw so June had removed them from the ring, declaring neither the victor but promising to match them later. Katara had volunteered to fight next.

Aang leaned on the railing, his heart pounding with excitement. Katara jumped into the pit, and droplets of mud and water splattered onto her slender limbs. He saw her smiling and her blue eyes reflecting the torchlight. She was laughing and shouting something back at the sidelines as June picked out a contender for her.

Aang crossed his arms over the railing and rested his head on top of them, knowing that if he didn't he would fall over.

"WOW, SHE'S HOT!" Kila exclaimed.

"She's my fiancée'" Aang said quietly, more to himself than to them.

# # # #

Katara eagerly locked eyes with her opponent. If she wrestled with her friends it was just fun, but with this girl she didn't intend to hold back. The alcohol had made her a little more daring, and her friends cheered her on from the sidelines.

She heard Toph cry out "GO SUGAR QUEEN!" with insane drunken rage, and soon all of Katara's bridesmaids were chanting "SUGAR QUEEN!" in glorious repetition.

Their cheerleading filled Katara with great resolve. The gong sounded and she slammed into her opponent with all of her strength, knocking her to the ground. The two girls slid into the pit in a beautiful tangle of arms and legs. A second later Katara emerged, having pinned her with her elbow. . Katara took out two more opponents, and by this time every inch of her was covered in a thin layer of mud.

The sideline bridesmaids went crazy. Sukki rushed out and handed Katara another Mai Tai. She downed half of it in one sip, then jumped on top of the hay bales lining the mud pit, threw her glass against the ground, and waved to the crowd victoriously. "I am SUGAR QUEEN!"

# # # #

Aang gripped the rail until his knuckles turned white. He felt his breathing deepen and desire engulf his body. He closed his eyes, thinking back to a few days ago when he'd arrived at the South Pole for their wedding. They had been separated for two months, allowing Katara some time with her family and to plan the wedding.

After this time he'd flown with Sokka to the South Pole. He'd found her in the Water Temple and kissed her passionately in greeting. He meant to halt at that, but once they touched he found himself unable to stop at her lips. Her scent and the feel of her skin were unbelievable, a thousand times better than he remembered it; it drove him to do more.

"I think the Avatar needs a little dip in the ocean!" Hakoda had interrupted, peeled Aang off of her, and told him he had to wait another ten days. Then himself, Sokka, Bato, and several other members of the Tribe dunked him in the frigid waters of the South Pole for a count of ten.

But in that brief moment he had found her scent and taste incredibly intoxicating it stayed with him all the way here. Now it was her looks that affected him so. The sheen of mud resembled gold in the torchlight and painted her curves perfectly.

What happened next was much like the rude awakening with Hakoda.

"All hail the Queen!" Uncle Iroh cried out suddenly.

Aang felt Kila pull him to the balcony. Mila ducked with him. "That was close!" they chimed.

"Wow she's awesome!" Kila said. "I can see why you love her so much."

Following Iroh's example, the crowd began chanting "ALL HAIL THE QUEEN! ALL HAIL THE QUEEN! ALL HAIL THE QUEEN!"

Aang felt as though his heart was going to leap out of his chest. He didn't know whether to feel appreciation or jealousy at the fact that his future wife was being adored by hundreds of screaming guys. But the fact that she was enjoying herself seemed to cancel out all of his feelings.

"Hey she kinda looks like my sister!" Sokka was hovering beside Aang now, a little unsteady on his feet.

"Sokka she is your sister."

"What?!' Sokka's glass fell to the balcony, shattering against the wood floor. "Why didn't you say anything!?"

Aang jumped up. "I tried to; you wouldn't listen!"

"Hmm, no wonder she looks so familiar," Uncle said, overhearing the two 'brothers.'

"I can't believe Katara! How can she do something like this?" His escort tried to take him by the arm but he shrugged her off.

"She's just having fun Sokka, you know like we're doing now…" Zuko said.

"Yea, she seems happy," Aang said.

"You mean you're actually OK with this?!" Sokka yelled at Aang.

"If she's happy then YES!" Aang yelled back at him, something he rarely did.

"Now, now, let's all calm down," Uncle started.

Sokka just glared at him and turned away from his friends. "I'm going down there. "

"Sokka don't you dare do anything before I get to see Mai fight!" Zuko shouted after him, but he was stumbling a little himself and unable to move very quickly.

The twins looked at each other.

"Uh Oh Kila!"

"Red Alert Mila!"

"We'd better get June for damage control!" They chimed together and ran ahead of Sokka down the staircase. Aang followed after them.

# # # #


	5. Damn it Sokka

**OK, so no I'M NOT DEAD! I have just been struggling over how to remake this thing for some time and I have a few visions in my head forthcoming that I think you are going to like. So 1.) the story is not complete 2.) Your patience, as always, is appreciated :)**

By this time Katara and Sukki were locked arm in arm and sliding in the mud. They were also laughing uncontrollably, both being very intoxicated. The intensity that Katara had earlier was gone; the two of them were splashing and playing than anything else, but the crowd was loving every minute of it.

That is until Sokka arrived at the base of the ring. "Katara!" Sokka screamed, "You get out of there right this minute!"

Katara didn't hear him at first. The crowd was too loud, and she and Sukki were having so much fun they had both forgotten that one was supposed to pin the other.

Being ignored only angered Sokka more and he dove toward the pit with determination. Aang came up to grab him but was an inch shy, and Sokka landed beside Katara.

Both girls felt the splash beside them and looked over at Sokka in shock. Katara felt an arm grip her shoulder. "What do you think you're doing?" Sokka screamed at her.

Bewildered, Katara looked at Sokka. It was only when Sokka pulled her to her feet and out of the pit that she fully understood what had happened. She tried to ice form around Sokka's feet from the mud, but the alcohol dimmed her focus, and all that appeared was a slushy substance.

Aang came up behind Sokka. "Sokka let her go!" he command. Sokka did let his sister go, but he turned and swung several times at Aang in response. The Airbender had a lot less alcohol in his system however, and he dodged Sokka's blows neatly, almost dancing as he did so.

Sokka came towards Aang for a fourth swing, but was cut in the jaw by another man, an onlooker who had decided to get involved. Aang moved forward to catch Sokka. "Thanks Pal, but I don't need any.." Aang was cut off by a blow to the chin and he earth bended the man backward, slamming him into the seating and a bunch of other patrons.

What ensued was pandemonium. Men came down from their seats, and the girls responded by slinging mud. Those who could bend did so at the raging crowd. Kyoshi waitresses smacked the men over the head with their fan trays. Chairs and tables flew through the air.

"Twinkle Toes!" he heard Toph yell out. "Where is Sokka's SHORT LEASH?"

"I don't know," Aang responded as he danced around another two men. He earth bent at them some more, trying to keep to just one element so as not to reveal his identity, never mind that he was wearing Water Tribe clothes. Toph rushed to Aang's side and knocked a third assailant off of his left flank with a flying boulder.

A minute later Sokka was on his feet and coming at Aang again, his boomerang ablaze. Zuko interfered and pushed Sokka into the mud pit. The two men exchanged a few blows. By the end of the skirmish, both had black eyes and Sokka was on the ground. Kila saw the whole thing and stooped beside the two bros, removing a bottle from her cleavage. She held it to Sokka's nose and his expression immediately changed from one of pure rage to a languid and silly smirk.

She flashed Zuko a thumbs up.

A distressed Suki came to her lover's aid. "Sokka, are you OK?"

"Suki?" He looked at her with pleading eyes. "You were mud wrestling too? AND I MISSED IT?!"

"I was in the pit with Katara, stupid!"

Sokka facepalmed.

"Sokka, we need to talk…I don't think I explained myself well, you know when you asked me a month ago. What I meant to say was…I needed to find a replacement before I could even think about it. Ty Lee's agreed to replace me, but I need time to train her. If you can give me that time, and you can complete the Kyoshi dedication ceremony, then the answer is yes."

Sokka was overjoyed and moved in for what he intended to be a passionate kiss, but it was cut short by an uneasy query..."Kyoshi Dedication Ceremony...?"


	6. S and M to Honor Kyoshi

**S and M to Honor Kyoshi**

**So…by now you're wondering why this fic is rated M and not T. Wonder no longer.**

**Be forewarned, however, that this chapter is a little weird and more than a little wrong, but just stick with it. Got the idea for it on an Avatar Forum. Basically, the whole Kyoshi Warrior thing, in my mind is not just a warrior sect, but a whole semi-religious cult that values a very specific form of feminism and almost diefies Kyoshi. This form of feminism demands purity, conquest of the female warriors over their mates, similar to the myth of the Amazons.**

**They purify their men through S and M like processes before declaring them fit for marriage and mating with them.**

**It also follows a more !FANONKYOSHI! If you're unfamiliar with this version of Kyoshi, this should sum it up nicely; she's a ravenous bitch who bathes in the blood of her enemies and was so fierce she scared the world straight during her two hundred year reign. **

**Tried to make it funny. Hope I succeeded. Regardless, Sokka is in for some serious s ##t Hope the sex is worth it for him. Squeee!**

Uncle had sobered up by this time and made it his business to protect the girls who couldn't bend or fight by putting up small walls of fire to deter the unsavory patrons. All of Katara's bridesmaids, with the exception of Toph were assisting him.

Toph was analyzing the earth during the rukus. He saw her touch it in quick study"Uh Oh" she said.

"What oh?"

"Just shut up and follow me," she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the side of the club where they heard screaming.

"I wonder if Sugar Queen tastes as good as her name implies" they heard a male voice say. Aang felt nauseous. Oh no. They rounded the corner to see a woman with long brown hair and mocha skin pinned up against the side of the building by a man who leaned into kiss her.

Aang didn't even think. He sent a huge gale of wind over to the man, separating him from his bride. Once he landed, Toph launched him back into the air with a move she called a "rockapault."

Unfortunately they were not alone.

"Hey that guy's airbending!" said an onlooker, "He must be the Ava…." His word was cut off and he fell to the ground, convulsing a little, his eyes darting to and fro.

Aang looked up to see a very cross June glowering at him from Nyla's saddle. "I'll be back," she told him, and scampered Nyla around to the mud pit where most of the fighting was taking place. Toph followed her.

Aang stooped down beside Katara and offered her his hand. "Aang?" she asked, still trying to piece together the events of the past few minutes. "I'm never drinking again…it completely knocks out my bending."

He offered her his hand and he lifted her up. "Are you all right?"

"I think so. What was that all about…with Sokka?"

Aang laughed softly. "Try not to be too angry with your brother; he's not himself tonight."

"Oh Aang," she whispered, admiring him. Water Tribe blue complemented him well, and with his headband and hair he looked very dashing, similar to the way he'd appeared when he offered her his hand for a dance in the fire nation. She felt her breathing deepen.

He took her right arm and wiped it off with his handkerchief. He moved in close and Katara thought he was going to kiss her. Instead he looked deeply into her eyes, and brought her cleansed hand to his lips. He had kissed her hand many times before, but never like this. She felt his fingertips trace a gentle line from the crook of her elbow to the underside of her forearm; they settled briefly on the pulse at her wrist, stroking it and her soft palm gently before gripping all of her fingers. His lips met the back of her hand and moved against it gently the way they had moved against her neck so many times before. He never took his eyes from hers throughout the whole process. It was incredibly seductive, and at that point it was too much for her. She fell to her knees.

Aang caught her, realizing with unspeakable joy what he had just done to her. Those twins may be silly, but they were certainly masters of seduction.

Just then June returned. "Is Sugar Queen in a diabetic coma?" she asked, scooping the man who Nyla had darted into the saddle.

"No," Katara whispered breathlessly. "I think I need….I want… I want to go back to the cold mud now," she panted.

June rolled her eyes. "In a few minutes; I've got a little cleaning up to do before that can happen."

"Are you staying at June's tonight too?" Aang asked her, releasing her hand.

"No," Katara answered. "At the Ba Sing Se Royal Spa and Hotel. We just came here for…some fun." Katara blushed.

"Zuko and Sokka dragged me here after…" Aang's voice trailed off, and he felt himself go red as he remembered that embarrassing encounter with her father.

"OH MY GOSH!"

Aang facepalmed, then froze when he saw Mila (or was it Kila?) appear right beside Katara. She seemed entranced and amazed with Katara, her hands clasped together a big bimbo smile cresting her ridiculously red lips, but whatever her reason for introducing herself, their dedication to discretion was quickly taking a suicidal plunge.

Aang made a slicing motion at his neck at the twin, but she ignored him, determined to interact with his fiancee'.

Katara looked at her, swaying just a little. "Do I know you?"

"Oh no, oh my gosh, no. But I know you! I'm like your biggest fan!" And Kila held out her hand, forming a heart with a string of muddy water.

"Aang?" Katara hiccupped, swaying a little, "who is this waterbender?"

"She's my sister!" The other twin answered and the two girls stood, back to back against each other. "I can see now why he totally wouldn't sleep with us!" Kila brightened,

"Yeah!" Mila echoed. "You're totally hot!" Her eyes widened and a grin broadened her ruby lips. "Hey, you don't want to sleep with us do you?!"

"Yeah," Kila exclaimed, jumping up and down. "We could teach you all kinds of stuff. We could totally give you the hook up, since you've never…

Their unison giggling returned, as it had for Aang upon the realization that he had never made love.

Aang bit his fingers nervously; the twins' boldness was extremely disconcerting. Katara had a jealous edge to her and he fully expected her to blow up when confronted with the twins. However, to his amazement, she stood there, studying them with large, somewhat glassy eyes, swaying a little from the alcohol. She put her hand on her chin, and after a few moments, said "I'll think about it."

In spite of himself, Aang as intrigued as she was at the prospect. He felt a defiant stream of drool leaking from the edge of his lips.

# # # # #

"Hail, Hail Kyoshi! Warrior Queen! Warrior Mother! Your servant stands at your altar in purest form, in great sacrifice, to bring more blood into your brood! I offer my body and the body of my mate to your service!"

Now Sokka couldn't see anything, as he was blindfolded. Not that he cared. He was too entrenched in the euphoria of 1.) The night club's tap special, of which he had far too much 2.) The fact that Suki had just agreed to marry him. 3.) Whatever the Koh Suki had just made him drink prior to dragging him into the bedchamber of his presidential suite. 4.) Whatever the twins had given him after he trashed June's mud pit.

Still, despite his exceedingly good mood, better fortune, and floating liver, there remained a voice in the back of his head. A voice that asked such things as: 'why am I tied stomach down to this bed instead of sitting? Why, oh why am I blindfolded? What exactly did she put in my mouth; is my silence really that important? And what is burning out there, that smells like incense and blood mixed together?'

Still these thoughts were at the back of his mind. At the front was the euphoria and absolute hope that some of this ceremony, despite all indications otherwise, concluded with some form of sex, which he wholeheartedly missed from Suki. One thing about female warriors: they were absolute animals in bed.

"As commanded, Warrior Mother, when you slayed your first kill, you emptied it of its blood and sprinkled it over your recruits, to purify them from their imperfections." Sokka felt something cold and wet, like rainfall scatter across his mostly divested body.

A moment later he felt the weight of Suki's body straddle him and he smiled. Her on top was the position he liked best, and during their brief separation, he had missed her weight. Again, his mind strayed to sex.

"Afterwards," Suki continued, "You wrought discipline, to cleanse them of their sin!" Suki cried out.

Sokka felt her body straighten out as she raised her arms toward the ceiling; her words were so passionate, as though she were appealing to a higher power, or having an orgasm. Either way he didn't really care. Sex, please.

"Warrior Mother I cleanse him now!"

And then he felt it across his buttocks, the paddle of purification.

The first whack was hot and stinging and he cried out half surprised, half mortified. The second was much the same but on the third time the sensation started to change.

He wasn't sure how to feel about the change. Was it wrong to _like_ being beaten by his crazy fiancée in the name of worshiping one of the scariest avatars in history?

Suki didn't seem to think so, but after four times she stopped and set the instrument of pleasure (or was it torture?) to the side. He felt her weight on him fully again, and then she loosened his restraints so he could turn to face her in the bed, but not too much. Once he was properly on his back he found that the restraints were again tight and he was her captive. It was then that she removed his blindfold and he beheld a sight that turned him on beyond all comparison.

She had removed her upper garments for the ceremony so she was bare chested in the candlelight, and she wore a bejeweled green loincloth but her warrior makeup was fully traditional. A headpiece of green and gold crested her amber hair.

In that moment she resembled a violent but sexy native one would find on a remote island crawling over her victim. She wore a little smirk as she procured a whip and lifted Sokka's chin with the butt of it.

"You are nearly purified, " she whispered, "but to be fully so you must declare your absolute dedication to our Warrior Mother!" She leaned in closer, her lips inches from his and her scent made him nearly as drunk as the spirits coursing through his blood. "Are you ready to declare it?"

"I am" Sokka whispered because surely now came the sex!

"Then show me!" Suki cried and she scrambled from his lap.

Or Not?

Now Sokka couldn't retrace what happened between Suki's demand and when he found himself on all fours, the bit in his mouth, the chain around his neck or Suki's boot at the helm of it. All he knew was that he was kneeling with his face to the floor before an altar with a small idol image of Kyoshi about which Suki had fashioned flowers and red candles. He also felt the end of Suki's whip at his buttocks. Umm, just when was he going to get sex? He was suddenly wishing he had listened more when Suki had explained to him the idiosyncrasies of her cult.

"True warriors demand true warriors for mates! Declare before our mother that you are a warrior!"

Again, the stingon his bottom. And again, why oh why did he like it so much? And why was she asking him to declare anything with that choke in his mouth? He managed to mumble something.

"Declare your dedication!"

Again, Sokka mumbled something, followed by 'Suki can we please have sex now?' but his words were lost to hers

"Declare your worth!" she shouted.

But before he could Sokka the door flew open and Suki froze.

June drummed her fingers against the doorway as she looked at the couple. After a moment she said "Isela, I told you not to practice your weird cult shit in my club." June cocked her head at Sokka, with the bit still in his mouth, "that is…unless he liked it."

Suki didn't correct her but took her boot off the back of his neck leaned down to remove the choke from Sokka, "You know I kind of did," he admitted, "and her name's actually Suki."

"My apologies, must be the makeup," June recanted, but her eyes never left Sokka. She hadn't forgotten about he mudpit, ,but abstained from being too cross until she could get her clutches on Sokka. "You know, when you're done with him I need him for something."

Suki gently coiled the whip around Sokka's neck "We are having our engagement ceremony, a rite sacred to my people. Give me twenty more minutes and then you can have him, but be forewarned he now belongs to me and the Great Warrior Mother."

"Honey, he can belong to whoever as long as he doesn't trash any more of my club," and June winked as she closed the door.

Once the Grand Madam was gone, Sokka didn't have to ask for 'Sex Please,' as Suki willingly sealed their sacred rite with her on top, as was the tradition for the matriarchal society that was the Kysohi warriors.


	7. Beautiful Bromance

**Beautiful Bromance**

Twenty minutes later Zuko, Aang, and Uncle sat around the kitchen table in their suite, staring at each other in uncomfortable silence. Sokka was half passed out on one of the couches behind them, singing to himself and having a one-sided conversation about how much he loved them all. The crew was grateful for whatever the twins had given him, and for the leather and chain-link restraints June led Sokka out with. The Gaang had to take a double take at the restraints; they didn't seem like June's style, and Suki, who darted quickly down the hall without a word, didn't offer an explanation for them either.

Once June had deposited Sokka on the couch, she approached the gentlemen. "All right children," the Grand Madame said, slapping her whip on the table and peeling her gloves off with her teeth, "Mommy's a little upset…"

"June," Zuko interrupted, "I know what you're gonna say, and let me just tell you: that down there, that was all Sokka…" Zuko gestured to where Sokka was professing his man-love for his two bros in a heartfelt and intricate song.

"He's just sad because Suki turned down his marriage proposal,"Aang explained.

"Ohh.." crooned June, feigning sympathy.. "as much as that moves me to tears gentleman… and really it does … It's NOT MY PROBLEM!" she yelled in their faces. "You know what IS my problem? A bunch of scared women, a busted up pit, about 30 minutes of no wrestling in which I could have been earning money, and you," her eyes flashed at Aang "almost blew your cover. I mean, _airbending_? What made you think THAT would NOT give you away, considering the fact that you are, I don't know… the LAST ONE ALIVE? If not for Nyla the paparazzi would have mauled you by now…" June's voice trailed off. She sauntered over to the balcony and slumped against the doorway. She stuck out her lip, pouting. "Plus Nyla got a sliver in her little footie wootie."

The men snorted.

"Her footie wootie?" laughed Zuko.

June's eyes flashed at them. "She's my best bouncer, you idiots! If she gets hurt, my girls could be in danger." She pointed a finger at Aang "you've seen firsthand how idiotic men can be when they're drunk. My girls count on me to protect them, and I take my job very seriously!"

"June if I may offer a solution," Uncle interjected as he got up from the table, "I may not be a two ton Shirshu, but I'm a pretty good firebender. And if there's one thing I'm passionate about, it's beautiful women; I would hate to see any of them get hurt." He put his arm around the distressed Madame. "I can help you all night and perhaps tomorrow Nyla will be better, huh?"

June looked at him. "You sober enough to bounce, Iroh?"

Iroh let out a hearty laugh. "You've seen enough drunk men June, do I look like one of them?"

"Very well. Iroh you come with me. The rest of you are confined to the suite. You want food, women or anything else have Mila and Kila get it. But you set foot outside of this room you're Nyla's dinner, got it?"

Aang and Zuko nodded. Sokka sat bolt upright and put his arms around his two friends. "Did I ever tell you I _love_ you guys?"

Aang and Zuko groaned.

The three man wolf pack did as they were told. They watched the remainder of the mud wrestling from their balcony. Sokka began to sober up and apologized gushingly to his friends, who grudgingly forgave him.

"We take a risk every time we go out with you Sokka," Zuko told him, "but you're so much fun you're worth it." Aang agreed and the three of them shared a very emotional man hug. Then they shared another one when Sokka told them about Suki's change of heart.

However, he did not elaborate on the Kyoshi Warrior Dedication ceremony.

Aang still got to see his fiancée' fight, and every once in a while he saw her beautiful eyes flash him a seductive smile as she went into the ring. Aang liked to imagine it was his kiss that had shaken her concentration, because in the end Sugar Queen fell. The match ended in a draw between Mai and Toph, but Katara told him later that they had split the money among all of them at the Ba Sing Se Spa the next morning.

Aang stayed on the balcony, speaking with Kila and Mila long after Zuko and Sokka had fallen asleep and the rest of the club started to die down. He asked them question after question until at length they finally admitted "Wow, we don't have anything else to tell you, Honey."

"I'll never forget the two of you" he said at last, leading them out of the room. "I've had many Sifus, but you two were the most fun. I can't wait to try what you told me. Thank you so much." He bowed to them and then gave them both a chaste kiss on the cheek. They walked away hand in hand, giggling.

They had to be on their way; after all they had another client waiting for them.


	8. Seriously, Uncle?

**Seriously, Uncle?**

Late the next morning the three men got ready to go. They wanted to hit Ba Sing Se for breakfast and some shopping before flying back to the South Pole. "Hey, we better wake your Uncle," Sokka told Zuko.

But before they could do so the door to Iroh's room creaked open and who should emerge but June. Her long black hair had fallen from its bun, and it seemed just a little tangled against the brown silk robe she was wearing. Her eyes were less intense without her makeup, and she had a few mascara smudges across her cheeks.

The three young men looked at her in open mouthed shock.

"What?" she said nonchalantly. "He finally scraped up the money!" She opened the door of their suite and paused there to smile, "And he wasn't half bad!" She winked at the three of them and blew a soft kiss. "Safe travels, boys!"

She closed the door behind her.

**In case you are unclear about what just happened, Uncle Iroh slept with June. I hope you enjoyed this updated version as much as I enjoyed updating it. Thanks again for following me. **


End file.
